From Wine to Racism: A Corporate Gig Gone Weird

As a standout comedian, I do other things, like every other comic does. One of my main activities outside of performing at comedy clubs and theatres is corporate work, like keynote presentations and motivational talks. However, I prefer not to use the term “motivational talks.” However, on occasions such as Women's Day, Asian Heritage Month, or leadership events, organizations sometimes ask me to give a talk. This is a little plug: check me out at juliekimcomedy.com/corporate. I love this stuff.

I also emcee galas, large multi-day conferences, and even Christmas parties! Some comics don't like to do this, but I actually really love to do this. I love to dress up, and since some of these events are formal or semi-formal, I enjoy having a good time. Sometimes these events are a lot of fun, and sometimes they’re less fun. Oh, and the money is good.

This story is about a corporate gig I performed at in Vancouver, British Columbia. It was a corporate comedy gig at a really nice theatre, and the client was hanging out with the comics in the back, having snacks, dinner and wine – he was drinking a lot of wine. Interestingly, I knew of this man because he books quite a few corporate gigs, except he rarely books female comics.

SUBHEADING 

Let me set the scene: I was sitting backstage with him, and he was sharing with me his life story. Of course, I was listening. In fact, my husband recently told me I'm a good listener. I actually really appreciated that because people tend to believe those in the arts and entertainment (certainly stand-up comedians) are narcissistic and love to talk about themselves.

Except I don't really like to talk about myself. If I meet you for the first time and you ask me, “So how'd you get into comedy?” I will probably run away. Instead, I like to listen to other people and make them feel heard – including this man after he had drunk a whole bottle of red wine.

At this point, he's bragging about several things:

• himself 

• his career 

• his vacations 

• his knowledge of wine. 

• his family and daughter

I don't usually mind when people brag about their daughter. I am a mother too, and I have a daughter, whom I'm very proud of. I don't talk about her in public much because I know when other people’s eyes gloss over when you're talking about your kid. I'm very sensitive to that and try not to take it too far.

Anyway, this man did not have a single sensor when he talked about his daughter – at least he was talking with pride. He said she is very smart and studious at university. He even said, “She's sitting in front of the class going like, 'Oh, pick me, pick me.” He actually reenacted that, which felt a little bit like mocking, but I know he was bragging.

She's So Asian!

And then it happened: He said, “She's always talking to the teachers, too. She works so hard. She's so Asian.” And then he laughed and took another swig of wine. I said nothing because I had not been paid yet.

Wow, did that ever imprint on me. Was I surprised that he said something like this? No. I don't think you are either, given everything I shared earlier. I imagine he doesn’t remember this interaction because this is probably the shit he says all the time.

He probably thinks he was complimenting Asian people. I think he's the kind of guy who likes it if I or anybody else around said, “Hey, you shouldn't say that. That's racist or stereotyping.” Then, he would have said, “No, it's not. I love Asians. I eat Chinese food. My wife is Asian.” 

Sometimes when people say things like this, it's like a compliment, except it's not, due to the context, situation, and personalities involved. 

I have trouble grasping exactly what this is. I certainly don't want to go overboard and say it’s racist. But I believe it is racial stereotyping. Although many Asian people study hard and achieve good grades, it is still a stereotype many of us are familiar with and encounter. Yet, I also know some fucking stupid Asians. I'll tell you who to look out for. 

The Model Minority Myth Debunked

Here's the thing, and I'm totally digressing here: first-generation children, children born to immigrants, or immigrants themselves are fucking smart – especially if they are East Asian and South Asian. Many of my girlfriends are from Sri Lanka or India, and they're smarter than I am.

They attended school and became very successful because their parents valued hard work and education. Back in the day – before AI and the internet – doing well in school was a fairly surefire way to achieve some success as an immigrant.

Now, the second- or third-generation diaspora children are not studying nearly as hard as we did. I think it is because of the mentality “Oh, our parents were so strict with us. I got hit. So now I'm like, I don't want my kid to feel loved and feel valued, and I want them not to feel pressure.” As a result, their grades are not that great. 

I've seen it happen to many people, including my friends and their children. What I'm saying is the stereotype is going away – albeit it’s still a harmful stereotype. It leads with the model minority myth, which undermines the actual issues and troubles some Asian people endure to “receive validation,” including fucking racism.

Reasons For Why I Didn't React?

Since we're on the fucking topic, I don't think I am mad at myself for not saying anything to him.  Firstly, I still hadn’t been paid, and secondly, I continued to make money off of him, which pays for my little Asian child’s schooling and tutoring. 

Saying something wouldn’t fix anything for him. It’s not really just about principle, and it wasn’t the fight that needed to be fought that day (again, I wanted my money). Also, I don't give a fucking shit about him.

I don't think he works there anymore. Maybe he got fired for something inappropriate. If this happened again, I would speak up because I've learned techniques to call people out in a way that doesn't make me feel angry. 

What Would ChatGPT Do?

If this happened again, how would I respond? I don't know. If it were the same person, I would be very angry and rude back. Although I admit I defer to AI. I go to ChatGPT and I write, “What is a response for this situation? for my own amusement. 

ChatGPT validated that the model minor myth is a very harmful stereotype rooted in racism, and reducing people to stereotypes alienates or minimizes their experiences. I have thicker skin than some people, and I am not afraid to fight back or confront conflict, so I didn't feel alienated or minimized by this guy’s comment, but it could make other people feel bad.

We need to stop people like this from saying things like that so that they won't say it to others. If it happens another time, no matter who says it, I am going to say something. 

Anyway, here’s what ChatGPT suggests I should say: 

1. Conflict resolution: “What did you mean by that?” I like this one a lot! I watch a lot of TikToks about conflict resolution, negotiation, and power dynamics. I would rather watch him explain why he said it, backtrack, or turn even redder than he already was from drinking all of that red wine. That would actually be more fun and effective. 

2. Call them out: “Hmm, that sounds like a stereotype.” This statement prompts them to respond. They could say, “Yeah, it is, but blah, blah, blah,” and nothing they say would likely make sense or justify what they said. 

3. Be politically correct: “You know, being studious isn't about race; it's about the person.” Often, they might concede and say, “You're right. I'm sorry.”

Anyway, this all feels pretty lame. ChatGPT is also struggling with this scenario. I mean, it knows you're dealing with someone ignorant who said something racist. It’s not suggesting I punch him in the face or publicly call him out. It simply recommends being diplomatic, which doesn't help me because I don't like being diplomatic. I want the guy to actually learn. 

Next time it happens, I will probably take his wine away. I mean, that would be really sad, and I'd say, “Sounds like your daughter might be Asian. Maybe your wife fooled around with an Asian man who's not an idiot.”