Who the f**k would want the middle seat!?

Julie Kim
Oct 9
9 min read

This week's episode happened very recently. I have been on tour with Rick Mercer as part of the Stand Up for Canada tour. We're having so much fun. Rick is amazing. The other two comics – Sophie Buddle and Mayce Galoni – are amazing! Mace has just released a special on YouTube. You have to watch it. It's so great. Everybody's amazing. I love doing this. I love comedy. I love all of this.

Do you know what I don't love? I do not love travelling on an airline that is not my usual airline, because when I fly with my usual airline, they treat me amazingly, because I have an extremely good status with them.

Like when I was flying back to Vancouver from Ottawa, at the end of the flight, a flight attendant bent down beside me to say, “Miss Kim, I just wanted to thank you so much for flying with us and for your loyalty. Was everything all right?” I said, "Yes, it was. Thank you so much.”

She smiled, got up, and left. I didn't even see her do that to anyone else. I wasn't even in first class, nor did I receive an upgrade. This is the treatment that I get on my home airline.

There are times when I cannot fly with my home airline, particularly when I fly internationally or within Canada, as flying between certain cities isn’t feasible due to my home airline's schedule.

Departure 1: Kelowna to Calgary, boarding now at 5 a.m.

This incident happened on a two-segment itinerary from Kelowna, British Columbia, to Winnipeg, Manitoba. It was such an early day, and I had to wake up super early. The first flight departed at 5:55 a.m. from Kelowna to Calgary, followed by a 40-minute layover that turned out to be unnecessary. We ran straight to the other gate, where they had already started boarding. The second flight was Calgary to Winnipeg.

We got on the flight, and I didn't have priority boarding because this isn't my usual airline, with which I'm not a frequent flyer. So, I'm on the plane a little later than some other people, but not too late. I was in zone two out of four. For this second flight, I had the aisle seat because I am an aisle seat person. I drink a lot, so I pee a lot. I don't like bothering other people to get up. I also don't mind if other people need to use the bathroom or pace.

So I’m seated in my aisle seat, and a man walks up and says, "Oh, excuse me, I'm in the window." I say, "No problem." I get up and I stand behind the seat to give him enough time to put his bag up and go into the window seat.

The guy behind him is much larger, and I don't know whether to go back in to sit or to stay out of the aisle. And I said, "Oh, are you in the middle seat here?" And he said, "Yes, I am." I just stood there patiently so that he could go in. This big guy puts up his heavy backpack, and he looks at me and says, "Or would you like to sit there?" I looked at him, dead face and said, “Do I want the middle seat? I'm sorry.”

The middle seat guy goes, “Oh yeah, or not, whatever.” Then his friend, who had sat in the window seat, looked up a little, embarrassed and sheepish, and said, "Oh, sorry for my friend." I thought, no problem.

The guys next to me sat there, and it was fine. They didn't pee a single time. I peed eight times. There was no bad blood, nothing like that.

It was fine, except that I wasn't on my home airline, which treated me amazingly. Instead, the flight attendant harshly told me to put my seat up, and the airline provided just the standard snack and drink, which was okay because I slept for some of the flight, which I never usually do. However, if I have a flight at 5:55 a.m. and I haven't slept well the night before, I will be sleeping.

Departure 2: Calgary to Winnipeg, last call for boarding

Fast forward to Calgary airport, and then boarding our second flight.

I boarded this second flight later than most because they had already started boarding. So I arrive, and someone is in my seat. I have learned, over time, as a woman, not to get worked up when it doesn't matter, and also to leverage other mechanisms and people whose job it is to stress when needed.

I looked at the people who were in that row and then said to the flight attendant of this airline, very calmly, “Oh, there seems to be confusion with the seats.” I showed her my boarding pass, and then she went to these people and said, “Are you in the right seats?” They both looked up and didn't say anything. I think English was a second language for them.

I thought they might be together because they looked like a couple, and, yes, they shared the same cultural background. This was just an assumption I made in my head. The woman flight attendant continued, “Are these your seats?” They were claiming, by not talking, that they were.

She then said, “Show me your boarding pass.” The woman in the middle seat showed her boarding pass, and the flight attendant said, “Oh, your seat is two rows back.” Then she looked at the man's boarding pass. The man was in my seat, and she said, “You're in the middle seat.”

So they both get up. The woman moves from the middle seat to the back, and the man starts to return to the row where he belonged, the middle seat. As he's pulling his bag, which was under the seat in front, he looks at me and asks, “Would you like to sit here?” I replied, “No, I don't. This is my seat,” and that was the only thing I said. I didn’t even say anything rude like, “Hey, fucker, this is my seat,” or “Don't you know how to read?”

This guy suggested that I might want the middle seat in economy. The man in the window seat had nothing to do with this, but he was quite a large individual. The man who was supposed to be in the middle seat was not large, but he was a man, big enough that his knee went into my area a little bit. It wasn't because he was really big; instead, it was because he was spreading his legs to watch his show on his phone in between his legs.

Here's another story about me dealing with manspreading on a plane.

Anyway, I left it, but I did “accidentally” bump my leg and to imply “Oh, you're in my area.” I stew a little bit. And look, I understand that freedom is letting these things go, but I am someone who needs to know.

On this two-hour flight, I wanted to know:

Was that your partner?
Did you know that wasn't your seat?
Why would you ask me if I wanted the middle seat?

So, after two hours of silence near the end of the flight, I asked the man in the middle seat, "Oh, do you know that lady?" He goes, “No.” And then I left it.

I just wanted to know that in case they both colluded to take my seat so they could sit together, and hoped nobody noticed. The lady probably went to the wrong seat, and that man's like, "Cha Ching, I'm not going to say anything. I'm going to sit in the aisle seat instead of the middle seat."

So I came and I ruined it all by sitting in my assigned seat. Again, I am an aisle person.

Who Wants The Aisle Seat?

When I got off the flight, I said (not in an angry way) to the rest of the group, “I got to tell you something weird that happened. Do you guys ever get asked if you want the middle seat when you’re actually in an aisle seat?” All three of them, surprised, said, “What? No,” where Sophie was particularly appalled, which I love. None of them had ever been asked a single time by someone if they wanted a middle seat instead of an aisle seat.

I think it's so weird because this hasn’t happened to me in a long time. Once, a decade ago, when a man asked me if I wanted the middle seat for some reason, and I said “No,” because nobody fucking wants the middle seat.

The other thing is this: this is not about being petty. This is about wondering. I love a situation. I love Larry David and Jerry Seinfeld. I love any situation, and if it's cringy, I will think about it, and I want to know why.

I was asked twice in one day, on the same airline, for the same booking, if I wanted the middle seat instead of the aisle seat.

The Male Ego and Audacity

The group, Sophie, Rick, Marc, and I talked about it a couple of days later because one of them said, “I still can't believe that happened to you.” We discussed why we're all comedians and how we want to know why.

Rick suggested, “Maybe the men just assumed by asking they might get what they want.” He went on to share how his very, very nice father in Newfoundland might be someone who would say “yes,” just because someone asked. Meanwhile, some people (like me) don't give a shit.

Rick then asked, “Oh, do you think it's because you're a woman or you're Asian?” And I said, “I wouldn't be surprised if those things factored into it a little bit.” What also factored into it was that both these people were men, and for some reason, they thought they could ask me, who happens to be a woman and a woman of colour, if I just wanted the middle seat.

Here are two scenarios why they asked me, maybe because I am:

Smaller, so that I would be more comfortable.
A woman or an Asian woman, that I would say “yes”

And let me tell you, my resting face, especially when I travel, is not always that nice. Again, it was an early morning flight. Although I didn't look mean, I didn't look like someone who had the face of, “Oh, take advantage of me.”

This had nothing to do with my comfort. Instead, they thought that if I sat there, they would be more comfortable.

My First Time Upgraded Business Class

I fly a lot, so I know what my preferences are – which is the aisle seat. It's one of the reasons I book in advance and check in right away, to make sure I have my preferred seat. I don't need any reason at all to justify it.

This trip reminded me of the very first time I was upgraded to business class, and I thought, “Wow, this is amazing!”

For context, the seat was located in the first row, directly on the aisle. So when I got to business class, someone was already in my seat. They were an old, rich-looking Caucasian man, and his legs were crossed, smoking a cigar.

No, I’m joking, he wasn't actually smoking a cigar (because you can’t smoke on planes), but it's just how leisurely he looked. He was talking to his friend and then looked at me and said, “Oh yeah, I'm just gonna talk with my friend. Why don't you take my seat? I'm over at 4C.”

He didn't even ask, "Would you like to go back there?" or "I'm sorry to trouble you. Would you mind?" They didn't choose to both sit back in the fucking fourth row; instead, he just told me.

I didn't even say, “Hey, get the hell out of here.” I just stood there because I did not have the agency or the mouth back then. You know what I did? I went back there and sat in that seat.

In my head, I thought, “Oh, I was just upgraded. Maybe I'm not worthy.” I don't know if that guy wasn't upgraded. He probably paid for his seat. But still, that was the seat I was assigned.

No Beef For You in Business Class

So I was sitting back there, not even entirely unhappy, because I was very excited to be in business class for the first time. Except during meal service, by the time the flight attendant came to me, I said, “Oh, I looked at the menu. I will have the beef.” And she said, “I'm sorry, we're out of beef.” So, I took whatever else instead. I looked over to see what the guy who was sitting in my rightful seat was eating. And of course, it was the fucking beef.

I started to stew. For the rest of that flight, I secretly and subliminally declared to myself that I would never again let somebody take my seat.

I think about this story often, not in a way that withers my soul away, but as a reckoning moment. Similar to when Spider-Man gets bitten by the spider, we have that moment where we're like, “Yeah, it's not happening again.”

Maybe this situation fundamentally changed me, and is why being asked to sit in the middle seat – twice in a day – bothered me so much. This situation was a lesson, and now I am direct and clear in my refusal to take the middle seat.

Say No to the Middle Seat!

To women out there, if anybody ever asks you to change seats, my suggestion is not to react right away and wait a second (but obviously do it if it’s a better seat or if you want to). Many of us are conditioned to make others happy or appear as nice peacekeepers. Those rules do not apply in the sky.

Especially in the event of delays or an emergency, take the aisle seat.

If someone asks you to take the middle seat instead, you are allowed to: