Parenting Weirdos: When Oversharing Meets Overstepping

Have you ever had to deal with an overstepping parent when it comes to your child or even just another person?

To give everybody the benefit of the doubt, including myself, the first few years of having a child are very weird and awkward. You are grappling with a new life and new identity, and it's very difficult to parent. Suddenly, you're thrown into situations at daycare, play times, or schools with other kids and parents who you don't know.

Ideally, you

• become friends with some of them,

• get to support your child as they socialize, and 

• become part of the neighbourhood or a community

Realistically, you may:

• meet people that you don't get along with, and

• sometimes these parents are pretty fucking weird.

This is a story about one mom I had to see somewhat obligatorily multiple times over a couple of years. Every time I saw her, it was really, really, really weird. Maybe it's me, but I don't think it's me.

Anyways, here are a few things that she's done.

Situation #1: A Baby’s First Steps 

One time, we arranged to go for a park walk with another family. This walk consisted of this other guy, his wife, and their small child, and there was me, my husband, and our small child.

We went to the park, and this wife/woman said to us, “Oh, is she walking yet?” And I said, “She's not walking yet, but she's almost there.”

Then this mom bent down–crouched down–with her arms open, opposite my child, and said, “Okay, let's see if she can do it now. Let's see if she can take some steps into her arms.” And then, she encouraged my child to walk into her arms. WHAT!? My child could have taken her first steps into the arms of this fucking moronic bitch.

And reader let me tell you: my child fell. And to me that was a success. My daughter fell and failed to take her first steps that day, and that was just okay with me. I could not have been happier that my child fell in the sand on the playground. 

I don't even care if there was dog piss in the sand or if she fell in leftover pizza with flies on it, or a drunk man's piss because I don't know how I would feel if the memory of my child's first steps were going into one of the most annoying and bizarrely toxic people I have ever met.

I'm happy to be judged by this. It would be nice to live in a world where everybody is nice. 

It’s true everybody has a story. You never know what someone's going through, but it doesn't fucking matter. You're not supposed to make another person's child take its first steps into your arms. I would estimate that 99.999 people would know to never do it. 

It's preposterous to have that kind of entitlement. I couldn't believe it at the time. I don't even think I reacted. It took a minute, like a day, to realize the significance of what this woman was purposely trying to do. That whole day she made everything about herself. Her prying questions, comparison, and all the time she spent complaining about her own life and making excuses for her own unhappiness.

I get amused and angry every time I think about this but I’m also glad it happened. It amuses me SO MUCH that there’s somebody on the planet who thinks that they should make someone else's child walk into their arms for the first time. If it was a totally isolated incident I might think it was an oversight. Except this person has done and said so many weirdly pathetic things.

Situation #2: Breastmilk or Formula

On the same walk, we stopped somewhere, and I gave my daughter a bottle to drink from.

This woman looked over, and immediately said, “Oh, is that breast or is that formula?” 

I don't even remember what I said or what her reaction was. 

What I did was I breastfed and used formula at the same time because I wanted my daughter to be… easy. At the time, we were preparing to go away to Paris and I wasn’t going to stockpile a week's worth of breast milk to take to Toronto while she was being cared for by relatives (this woman had something to say about this, too, more on this below). So, I was getting my daughter used to formula. 

I recognize that not everybody can breastfeed, but I could, and that's all I'm going to say about it. But I'm really tired of being forced to feel so grateful because I could breastfeed. Many women breastfeed and many don't breastfeed. There's nothing wrong with you if you do one versus the other. I happened to do both. If you have an opinion, just shut up. 

The main point is that she was so interested in whether I was breastfeeding or formula feeding. Have you nothing else to do or care about, you weird woman?I wouldn't even ask because it's a rude question and I don't give a fuck what you're doing. Who the fuck even asks that question? This bish. Because she had nothing better to do and her mind is apparently that tiny.

Situation #3: An Order of Breastmilk, Please?

A year or two before our walk in the park, I threw a surprise birthday dinner party for my husband. There were about 12 people at a delicious Italian restaurant we used to visit a lot, Zeffirelli's, in downtown Vancouver. 

This woman was invited only because she was attached to her husband, a nice guy and somebody my husband likes. This couple also brought their child (aged 4 or 5 at the time) which was fine. A bunch of other normal people were also there. 

At this point, the kid was eating a full meal and food, like pesto gnocchi with a knife and fork and juice from a glass cup. This kid was eating essentially like a normal human adult. Except once in a while, the kid asked his mom for milk. So, this woman pulled out a tit for him to take a few suckles of her milk, then they went back to eating their meals. With a full set of teeth! 

Despite being fully capable of eating adult food, she was a beverage option that this 4 or 5 year old kid took advantage of occasionally. 

And you know what, everybody at the table noticed. Every dinner guest texted me to say, "Yo, thanks for inviting us, but what the hell was up with that woman?”

This is how much I did not register or care because I didn't think I noticed. If I did see it, it didn't register to me as something weird because I truly don't give a shit how people parent their kids. I'm not going to judge. 

Mind that I also didn't have a child yet, so I didn't know it was very fucking rude to have a child who fully eats with a fork and knife and drinks from a glass (not even a sippy cup) and then just have some extra dairy out of his mom's teats.

Situation #4: This Is Not A Brag-a-Thon

When my daughter was still very young, my husband booked a trip for me and him to go to Paris, France. I had never been to Paris. For context, if you don’t already know (you should listen to my podcast to learn more), we live here in Vancouver, BC, and all of our family lives somewhere else, mostly in Toronto, where our daughter would be cared for while we were away. 

Anyway, while our families were hanging out at this woman’s house, she learned that we were going away to Paris and that our child would not be on this trip (again, not alone, but in the presence of people who love her most in the world besides her parents).

She goes, “Oh, you're so brave.” And when a c*nt like this says “you’re brave” they mean that you’re doing something they would never do for whatever reason. And they mean it in a judgy way.   

Then she said “I could never do that. But I’m a very engaged mother.”  

And then within a minute she was scrolling on her phone for at least 20 minutes beside her son.

Situation #5: Mommy with the Bad Hair

We were at a campground and this family was also there. I had not seen this woman for a few months, so I said, “Hello, how’s it going?”

Her response was “Did you get your hair done?” not “Hello, how's it going?” or any other greeting. 

Clearly, she knew I got my hair done because I’m not a natural blonde. And I had blonde highlights. 

I said, “Yeah, I got my hair done.”

She goes, “Ohhhhhhh, I haven't been to the salon for years since I had my son.”

What I should have said was, “I can tell. You look like shit.” But I did not. 

I also didn’t point out that her kid has been in daycare and school for years and she works, and it’s fine if she hasn’t gone to the hair salon in years but also that’s not something to brag about. Those are your priorities, or just poor time management. 

She asked me about my hair SO THAT she could point out that she is so busy (note: she is definitely not busier than me, likely never has been) and definitely too busy being a mom to make time for frivolous things. Like getting your hair done.

Also, everyone gets their hair done. If you haven’t had your hair done in any way in three years, that’s ok but it sounds like a a basic lack of grooming. Hairs are thin strands of hardened protein packed into layers growing out of your head. Hair needs to be cut like nails need to be clipped. 

A Lesson on Potty Training: I Don’t Give A Literal Shit

I can proclaim myself to be a perfectly mediocre parent in terms of milestones and effort when it comes to the usual motions and lots of things that I think are performative. 

My husband and I potty trained very late because we didn't want to be those weird people who ran around nine-month-old kids with a plastic potty and were paranoid about what they were going to do. We potty trained, probably in the 99th percentile, and in a bad way when it comes to timelines.

She was in diapers for a very long time. At the end, she was too big for most toddler-sized diapers. But you know what? When we did do real potty training it took like two weeks because her brain was pretty formed.  She learned very, very quickly. We only had to change the sheets twice because it was nighttime. We took our time because we parent our own way.  

A Non-Reaction (Besides This Podcast Episode)

Anyway, the totality of all of these situations leads me to believe that this woman is a special kind of strange. And ill-intentioned.

I was never bothered enough or truly offended enough in the moment in any of these situations to clap back. I could have pointed out that I knew exactly that she was projecting her insecurities on me and wanting so desperately to look and feel superior in a material sense. I saw it all as it was happening. 

I had compassion for this person, and found it all very SAD. The amount of work and emotional toll it must have taken for her to make each of these catty and petty little comments and need to curate her image. Exhausting to be around. 

I could not tell if these little comments and digs were plays for attention or dominance. Maybe they were attempts to bond. But talking incessantly about pregnancy, parenthood, and children in the most basic ways… barf. 

This person apparently had some personal issues she was going through. But guess what, I DO NOT CARE. 

This person also never asked anything about me unless it was something she could latch onto and compare herself in a better light. All other times, she told me about her problems and existential crises openly (not liking work, fertility issues, looking older than she wanted to look). I did not validate her (what she wanted). I smiled and nodded and desperately tried to get distracted by anything walking or flying by. 

This was not a big drama. There was no friendship; there was no breakup. 

Is It Weird? Let Me Know Your Thoughts?

It’s just that all of these are among the weirdest and cattiest experiences I’ve had with a person and they happen to all be the same person. So I thought it was good material for story time. 

Every person I’ve shared one or more of these situations with has responded with a giant WTF!? 

But to strangers listening or reading I ask: is this weird to you? 

Is it normal to have even one person like this in your life? Have you experienced this level of overstepping or weirdness and comparative judgment from another parent?  

What would you do about it? My solution? Make jokes about it and put it in one podcast episode.

Thanks for reading my rant.