Episode 008 - C-Section and Cutting Comments

Get ready to be BOTHERED by the story of a working woman who got judged by a nosey and weird old lady out loud in the middle of a business meeting for planning to have a C-section. Her name was Sue and she was and probably still is a giant dingbat. There are related stories of patronizing projection of nastiness related to her C-section and status as a working mother.

Join comedian Julie Kim as she shares stories of so many people being bothered about her C-section.

🎧 Listen to the short audio version.

Preface

So, I had an elective c-section. The result? My child. 

A few years ago, I had a stand-up clip go kind of viral about my elective c-section. Partly because people were commenting their opinions about birthing, then they started arguing with each other. This viral moment became a lot less about me and a lot more about strangers sharing their mostly un-medical, un-firsthand and un-cited opinions. 

I am astonished. Just shocked about how so many people have opinions about this. Also, people have said sh1t in person to me. More on this later.

What do you think about my c-section? I don’t care. 

You don’t get a say. But please know that I appreciate you reading and supporting this blog. 

My Birth Plan was not on the Meeting Agenda 

I worked and studied throughout my whole pregnancy – right up until the night before the scheduled birth. I’ve always just worked a lot and pretty hard. Hustle culture? No, eldest daughter (in an immigrant family) syndrome. 

Part of my childhood trauma as an eldest daughter in an immigrant family is having a scarcity mindset thinking that suffering is virtue. Another side effect is that I don’t dwell on uncomfortable things. But no time to get into that!

At about seven months into the pregnancy, my belly was clearly showing. It actually started showing super early because I regarded pregnancy as a miracle – a once in a lifetime opportunity to eat whatever I wanted without worry. The stomach was large. It was making a statement. Nobody wondered “pregnant or bloated from a burrito?” because the answer was both. 

So, I was doing this project in the “corporate world” and I was in this big meeting with at least eight people. 

At one point in the middle of this meeting this woman – we’ll call her Sue because that’s her real name asked, “when are you due?”

Me: “Oh, I haven’t scheduled it yet.” 

Her: “What do you mean?” 

Me: “I’m having a c section.”

Her: “Why? Are you having complications?”

Me: “No. I want to.”  

I said this with a smile. And in a tone that suggested I didn’t want to talk about this topic. 

Was that the end? Of course not. 

She went on and said “Oh no, millions of women have natural births. You can do it, too.”

Me: “I know I can. It’s my choice.”

I really held it together and what did I do? Fuck all. And that’s the problem with having a “job.” You usually have to use a watered down, diplomatic, censored version of yourself. You have to show what they call decorum. Worst of all (for me, at least) is having to hide your real feelings and hold in what you really want to do, which is slap a b1tch’s coffee out of her hand and scream “WTF is wrong with you?!!!”

We finished the meeting, continuing as if nothing happened, except now, I really hated Sue. As I was packing up, someone approached me. Guess who? It was Sue. She said not quietly, “Please reconsider having a natural birth.”

WTF?

I said, “Nope. I’ll do what I want.” I smiled but what I meant was fuck you. 

Thanks, No One Else

There were at least six other people in the room. Nobody said anything. They did all happen to be men. 

What should I have expected? 

I didn’t expect advocacy. I would have been so surprised if any of those men uttered something like, “Sue, this is not appropriate. Julie doesn’t owe you an explanation or the burden of hearing your opinions on her choices. You’re not an expert in birthing. You work in medical imaging, in administration. And no one likes you.” 

Was I too hopeful for someone to speak up and say,  “Sue, you weird dingbat, we’re in a meeting. Can we stay on topic?”

Even if Sue had been reading the room, there would have been nothing to read.  

In-Person Troll

The unsolicited comments didn’t end there. Many years later, as I retell the Sue story during a show in Whistler, a man in the front row interrupted my joke to give a lecture DURING MY SET. 

Despite all the unsolicited comments, I’m super heartened at the support by what seems to be 99.5% of people who were floored at this man’s audacity. I think I was pretty nice in my response. Thoughts? 

Enough, Old Ladies 

Flashing back to the drab meeting, I recognized the way Sue talked to me and her desire to share her opinion was more important than respecting me. 

Sue was yet another old lady in a long, long history of talking to others like this and treating others less-than. It is its own kind of audacity and I know other women of colour know what I’m talking about. 

It’s not simply about being a “Karen,” a term usually used for older white women exhibiting entitled outbursting behaviours.

It’s a deeper disregarding and belittling of another person – often a woman of colour – for their own indulgence and validation. 

Other related example: Another old lady I worked with, Mary (late 50s-60s with no children), asked me how much time I’d take off after giving birth. I said none, and that my husband would be taking parental leave. With  a strange warm tone that made it obviously patronizing, Mary said, “you must be very lucky to have so much support.” I said frankly, “I’m not lucky at all. One parent usually keeps working and, in this case, that’s me. We don’t have support in the city at all.”  

We did not get along after that. Mary chose (preferred!) not to see me as a woman who was working hard to support her family. I breastfed in first aid rooms, breast pumped while driving (it’s not illegal, I think), and had an awfully stressful first couple of years after giving birth. It was Mary’s desire to attribute luck to me and her need for me to know that I was the recipient of benefits being bestowed to me by other people. 

After all these years, I don’t need sympathy; I just need everyone to say it with me: fuck you, Mary and Sue!

Justifying my C-section

Not required. You can look up reasons for having an elective c-section if you want to. Digest, judge away.  

Everyone has an Opinion

I’m not advocating for elective c-sections. I truly don’t care what other people choose to do. My decision worked out super great for me. I had no visible scar (thanks to Dr. Fancy Shoes with his Porsche and mansion – I’m a fan), quick recovery, and predictable timeline with downtime for recovery. 

Why do people judge a c-section? And why do they need to share their judgement so vocally – in person and online? 

I’ve had a LOT of people comment on my videos. Across genders, races, and age groups. One thing stands out as the common thread among them: they are all Facebook users. LOL. 

See below for just a small selection of comments. 

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Honorable Mentions

In response to the viral clip and the entire situation, I am so happy to see SO MUCH SUPPORT from everyone in the comment section. Mostly women, but not only. And comments are overwhelmingly positive, in support of the c-section and women’s choice (her birth plan). A couple of commenters were dingbats, like Sue. It’s wild to me that these people are okay posting their weird opinions publicly. 

Even more overwhelming is the response to how I handled the heckler and the widespread recognition of this man’s audacity to interrupt my show and share his findings as a “scientific literature hobbyist reader.” Did you see? He actually turned to the crowd as if to start a lecture in the middle of my show.  

But regarding the hate and unsolicited comments overall, I say the same thing I scream out loud at least once a day: “WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!”

New hater response content coming soon. 

Be sure to like, subscribe, follow, send thoughts and prayers, and more. LOL.

Thanks for reading, everyone.

PLEASE like, subscribe, comment, rate below, etc! If you have a story to share that could be related to a future episode or this one, email us at bothered@juliekimcomedy.com.

https://youtu.be/IMyON-qc3Hc